Sponge Girl In Court; Federline Royalty

Kevin Federline, aka Douchebag, has announced he will sue Sponge Girl. Mr Federline has reportedly not yet figured out what exactly the lawsuit will focus on, saying only "Are you hatin', too, bitch? A guy's gotta look after himself, right?"

World media is speculating that this may in fact be a desperate attempt on Mr Federline's part to score some quick cash. Associate Professor of Yokelism, Terrence Hovel, from the Jesus Christ 4Eva University in Tennessee has commented "Kevin, he ain't no fool - lawsuits are where it's at. It'll be great publicity, fantastic for re-launching the sagging career of an ex-backup dancer and current allegedly unfit parent."

"It's also a time-honored way of bringing home the bacon, and in the professional circuits starting court proceedings for no other reason than monetary gain is actually called federlining. Not many people outside of the court circuit know that it was Kevin's mother who caused McDonald's to print hot coffee- warnings on their cups. Oddly enough, the uneducated masses seem frustrated at Kevin seemingly living off Britney's fame, but in reality Kevin was trailor-trash royalty far before Britney even got her first implants. Kevin comes from a long line of expert sue-ers, and many have been anxiously waiting for him to come to his own as the Crown Prince or this all-American way of life. I know I'll certainly be watching the case closely, so long as FOX gets the rights to it," added Dr. Hovel.

Sponge Girl was not available for comment, but Judge Judy was happy to clarify the legal situation: "The only avenue open for Mr Federline would be the hatin' charge - but it would be very difficult to prove due to the well-established fact that Mr Federline is in a more dire need of a bitch-slapping than anyone else. So if Sponge Girl is indeed displaying signs of hatin', it could just as easily be interpreted as righteous anger, and that's protected by the Supreme Court. The case isn't water tight and if I get assigned to it, I'd have to send his whiny little butt packing, purely on legal grounds of course."